PARENTS: Help With My Child's Behavior in Church

Please Help With My Child's Behavior in Church

Can you relate to any of this? 

(From a mother who attends a Catholic church.) 

1. We arrive after the processional… because we are somehow unable to get the kids in the car and ready to go in the amount of time that we think we can.
2. We sit down, and my kids are well-behaved for all of 3 seconds.
3. The oldest one then begins to loudly talk about how he doesn’t want to be there
4. He then begins to bang on the pew
5. I try to have him sit on my lap, but he wriggles free and tries to climb under the pew
6. I drag him back and sternly tell him to sit still. He sits for a few moments, and the Gloria starts.
7. My son then begins to sing the Alleluia as loud as he can while we are singing the Gloria
8. Dirty looks occur from the people in front of us
9. As the first reading starts, my other son poops out of his diaper, and I have to run out to grab the diapers we forgot in the car.
10. I take the younger boy out to get his diaper changed
11. When I come back, the homily is starting, and my oldest boy is starting to go stir-crazy
12. I have to take him to the back in order to keep him from disturbing everyone as he begins to cry and whine about how he wants to go.
13. I miss the whole homily, but I have a nice chat with my son about what the readings were.
14. We come back in as the Creed begins… I hold him in my arms, but he won’t stop wiggling… I probably pay attention to 2-3 words that are said.
15. During the prayers of the people, I try to rephrase the petitions so that he understands them…. wiggling continues
16. During the Anaphora, the best I can do is stand in the back, praying to God that he won’t start yelling during the institution narrative this time… my prayers are not answered. More dirty looks ensue.
17. We say the Lord’s Prayer… and my son knows this one, but chooses to change the words to try to be silly. I try to tell him the Lord’s Prayer isn’t a time to be silly. He looks at me like I’m crazy.
18. We pass the peace…. he loves this part and yells “family hug!” as my wife comes over.
19. We sing the Angus Dei… he only knows one melody for this one, so he sings that melody, in spite of the fact that everyone else is singing a different arrangement. Dirty looks part three.
20. I tell him that it’s time for the special meal, and we go up together. He is mad that he doesn’t get anything and whines about it as the Priest blesses him. We head back to our seat.
21. From this point on, he continually asks me if mass is over until the announcements are done and the recessional hymn is sung.

[Retrieved from https://www.patheos.com/blogs/billykangas/2014/07/help-my-kids-are-wild-at-church.html] 

Many people have told me not to write about this because "We want kids in church no matter how they behave." But is that what's best for the child? As parents, are we to allow our kids to behave badly in church when we wouldn't allow it at a restaurant, museum, movie theater, or concert? Should we allow kids to be so disrespectful, rude, and noisy that the people around them cannot worship? Or should we be helpful to any parents who want help, like the woman above? I say, as people are called into ministry, we help.

First, Some (Hopefully Helpful) Information

Discipline is teaching or training kids to behave so that they learn to self-discipline. The goal is to help them develop internal self-control, character, and empathy so they don’t need external rewards. Discipline provides structure, safety, and guidance to help children learn to manage their emotions and to behave in certain ways despite how they feel. ALL children NEED discipline. It provides them with a sense of security, structure, and boundaries that they cannot provide themselves. Sometimes parents think their kids would be happier if they had more freedom, but that is not the case.

A lack of guided discipline can lead to children failing to learn self-regulation and essential life skills. If you see your child having poor behavioral control, difficulty respecting authority, and aggression when told "NO," you might want to ask yourself whether your current discipline plan could be contributing to the problem.

There are a few things that help with child discipline in church: consistency, consequences, and routines.

• Consistency. One of the simplest ways to improve a young child’s behavior is to be consistent about expectations. For children, especially those ages 3 to 6, consistency shows the power of kids knowing what to expect. When they don’t have it, they feel insecure, which leads them to continually test what they can and cannot get away with, potentially causing power struggles. There’s never a reason an adult should get into a power struggle with a child. Young children are learning cause and effect, and the adult teaches them by how they respond. If I do this… this happens. If a parent is tired and I push these buttons… this happens. The easiest way to deal with this is to give your child some choices before things escalate. Give two reasonable choices. You can have either of these for your church snack. Which do you choose? “I want candy!” You can have this or this. Pick one now, or you get nothing. 
• Consequences are very important. Kids need to learn that every action has a consequence, some good and some not so good. Some consequences work better than others for young kids. For example, a time-out can help them calm down. Without that time to wind down, they often resort to aggression, often toward parents or siblings. When this happens in church, it’s a good time to take them out of the sanctuary for a time-out. They’ll calm down; you can nicely remind them of the church rules and ask if they’re ready to go back in. Leaving the sanctuary is a time to help them calm down, not a trip to a playground or a playroom. The goal is to help them manage their own behavior. 
• Routines help with consistency because children learn what to expect. Bedtime goes much better if there’s a routine: pajamas, teeth, story, prayer, lights off. Chaotic environments (things constantly changing) often lead to behavior problems. Being consistent and developing routines when parenting can take time and energy, but the results later on are definitely worth the effort up front. What is your pre-church routine? Is it chaotic and rushing, which can trigger a burst of adrenaline in children, or calm and consistent?

So, What About Church?

Church is a unique environment. It’s similar to going to a nice restaurant, a concert, a movie, or a museum, where certain behaviors are expected: speaking quietly, managing emotions, respecting those around you, and following certain rules. These are not things that need to be skipped because of behavior. Kids just need to be taught the rules and what they look like, and to practice at home. 

What are the rules? The rules in church are about simple activities regarding respecting the worship service, the church building and its furniture, and the people.

Church Rules

• Using our quiet voice.
• Walking feet in the church sanctuary (the room where the altar is).
• Keeping shoes on the floor, not on the furniture. It’s never a problem until somebody has muddy shoes.
• Sitting, not climbing on the pews. Furniture is not a playground.
• Cleaning up your things before you leave.

When you consistently talk about these things when children are younger, the sooner they will think them for themselves or just make a habit of doing them.

If you want your child to be quiet through a worship service, you have to teach them to be quiet (not to be silent), but to play quietly, and that takes time.

• Offer choices – we can stay here, or I can take you out.
• Natural consequences – removing a child from worship for being disruptive only needs to be applied a few times before they begin to expect it.
• Treats before church don’t encourage good behavior during church. They should be given only occasionally after church.
• Treats should not be used as a bribe to stop misbehavior in the moment. Giving a child a piece of candy to sit down will only last until they get it and eat it.
• Only bring quiet toys, and while screens are babysitters, they don’t help a child learn self-control or manage their emotions. Some toys do not belong in church.
• Step out – remove the child from the service to sit outside until he can behave. This is not a fun field trip or an opportunity to play outside, which will teach them that if they’re bad enough, they get a reward. Time-out will not work at church if you don’t use it at home.

What You Can Do at Home

Practice Church Behaviors with Games – If a child wins the game, they can earn a prize, but the only way to win is to do it for a reasonable amount of time. Start with 3 minutes for 3-year-olds, and add 1 minute for each additional year.

• Simulate Church – Show me what a good boy looks like at church
• The Sofa is the Pew – Find something to do and see if they can be quiet doing it for 5 minutes (5 minutes can seem like a long time for them).
• The Quiet Game – The goal is for children to stay silent and still for as long as possible. You’ll be lucky to get them to go a whole minute at first. Try asking what sounds they can hear.
• The Quiet Game 2 – Instead of just silence, challenge them to be quiet with the TV on.
• Whisper Game – Pass a word around by whispering. Young children are challenged to talk quietly.
• Rub My Back (Write Letters on My Back) – You can also rub an arm or massage a hand, both of which are very relaxing.

Some say that children raised by one disciplining parent and one lenient parent are often confused, anxious, and have behavioral issues due to inconsistent rules and boundary setting. This is not really a problem. Eventually, they will figure out which parent they can manipulate and which one they can’t. If you are the lenient parent, they will learn to manipulate you. It’s important for church attendance that parents who live together share the same expectations for kids five and under's behavior in church. If parents don’t live together, kids can learn what to expect at each parent’s home and will behave accordingly. 

I sincerely hope this information helps those of you who have been looking for tips on teaching and encouraging your young children about behavior during worship. 

THANKSGIVING: Blessings in Disguise - What's Yours?

As Christians, we are thankful for the blessings God gives us throughout the year and our lives; however, we take special time to reflect on these blessings on Thanksgiving Day. Many families will go around the table telling each other what they’re most thankful for: family and friends, having a job or getting a new job, their health, their home, and many of the luxuries that make our lives easier or more fun. Hopefully, Christians include Jesus, our Savior, who gave us the greatest gift: salvation. These are things that are easy to be thankful for, especially if we’ve known life without them, but what are we missing? Can we look more deeply and consider things we often disregard as something to be thankful for?

The things we often forget are the things about ourselves and others that may not seem worth giving thanks for, because we cannot see how God might use them or how God can use even them to bless us. These things are less obvious but worth considering because God uses good and bad things in our lives to bless us!

Sometimes, losing a job, getting a disease, having a home burn down, losing a friend or family member, relationship problems, problems with mean kids at school, or any number of other things we wish didn’t happen, can be used by God to bless us. Thanksgiving is a great time to pause, reflect, and be thankful for things we might not have considered blessings in the moment. For example, when I found out I was diabetic, I was devastated, but not too long after that bad day, I look back and see that God turned it into a blessing. I feel better and am healthier than I would ever have been.

Things can always be looked at from different perspectives. Things that seem good to us may not be so good from God’s perspective, and things that seem bad to us may be used by God to help us grow closer to Him, which is always good.

Think for a moment about all the people God used in the Bible. No human is perfect, even if they’re in the Bible, but God chooses people for reasons beyond the worldly values we see and are proud of. He looks deeper. When Samuel was looking for a king to replace Saul, as he looked at David’s good-looking and strong older brother Eliab, God said to him, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 6:7).

We often look at things from a worldly, materialistic point of view. We compare our lives to what we see around us, and that’s what we’re thankful for or wish we could change. However, God’s point of view is not about this world, but the next. It’s not about what we have, can earn, or do, but about what our heart and faith show. We are all as human as everyone in the Bible. We get up every day, put on our clothes, and, good or bad, do what we do. If you read about the people below in the Bible, you can see their mistakes — some seemingly more serious than others — but if you take a moment to look at it from a Thanksgiving point of view, you can see that we can learn from them as well.

This Thanksgiving, try to look at them, and then at the people in your life that may be hard to love sometimes, and then at yourself. What is negative in your life that you can learn from and God can use to teach you and bring you closer to Him?

This Thanksgiving, consider that in spite of the negative things in the people below, God used

• Abraham to remind us to hear God, listen, have faith, and follow Him, even when the path is unclear.
• Sarah to show us that faith grows slowly sometimes, and God doesn’t give up on us if we doubt.
• Jacob to show us that God meets us in our weakness, not in our perfection.
• Rebekah to remind us that we need to wait for God’s time and be content with His will.
• Joseph to teach us that even when life feels unfair and confusing, God is working for us in ways we can’t see, and is also working through us for the good of others.
• Moses to teach us that God equips those whom He calls through their doubts, fears, and failures; God can use a willing heart.
• Joshua to show us that success comes from courage, obedience, and trusting God’s promises, especially when the battle seems unwinnable.
• Ruth to teach us that faith is not just about belief, but about choosing love, integrity, and courage.
• Hannah to show us that we can trust God with both our grief and our gifts.
• Samuel to teach us that spiritual maturity begins with listening to God, who speaks to us through His Word.
• Saul to show us how arrogance, ambition, and pride can lead to partial disobedience, which is still disobedience.
• David, even as a man after God’s own heart, to teach us that even if we make very bad choices, God never leaves us because of behavior, and with true repentance, we can be restored.
• Jonathan to give us an example of true friendship.
• Solomon to warn us how easy it is to take and use God’s gifts to His glory, but through the danger of compromise, can still fall away.
• Nehemiah to teach us that when we have obstacles to overcome, we should start with prayer, stay focused, don’t listen to hecklers, and listen to God.
• Daniel to remind us that moral courage can thrive in hostile environments, and spiritual integrity can influence culture; it is possible to live boldly as Christians without losing our identity.
• Jonah to show us that we can disagree with God’s plan, but it’s not wise to ignore it or try to outrun His calling. Disobedience has consequences. Bitterness blocks joy. God is interested in your heart and your motivations.
• All of the believers through the ages who have passed down the faith through God’s Word and Sacraments, by living it, talking about it, and showing it, we can do that as well.

These are only a handful of the regular sinners in the Bible who have given us blessings in disguise. Our lives are filled with blessings that we don’t recognize: blessings in disguise. We may not recognize the wonderful blessings we receive from those in the Bible, or the blessings in disguise. We need to look for them because they’re usually things we think are negative and don’t see how God used them to bless us.

This year, when you’re going around the Thanksgiving table, instead of everyone telling each other that they’re thankful for family, friends, their job, a new car, etc. Ask them, “What has happened in your life this past year that turned out to be a blessing in disguise?” Give everyone a couple of minutes to find their blessing in disguise to share. Then try to hang on to those all year and keep looking for them. Thanksgiving is about being thankful for God’s unexpected blessings and blessings in disguise all year long. Keep looking. You’ll be surprised at how many you find.

ADULTS: Parenting When They've Grown

I've been writing articles for Family Shield Ministries and want to share them here. The first one I'm sharing is the most recent, October 2025.

 

A Portrait of Today's Young Adults

Many things affect the description of a generation. That information helps parents see things from their child’s perspective, not only their own. Through technology, the changes in society and the world have happened much more quickly for recent generations than they did for us. Thanks to smartphones, social media, and a constant connection with everything good or evil on the internet, they have been exposed to or experienced things we never would have at a much younger age. A portrait of today’s young adults includes the following:

• They may be technologically fluent, but are emotionally searching.
• Their world is a place of constant fear-mongering where news is manipulated, and their source of information is rarely true. The sky is ALWAYS falling.
• They carry the weight of every global crisis without the emotional maturity to understand it or the experience to put it in its place.
• They are hyper-connected, but often lonely, craving real connections because emojis and likes or notifications do not help create a feeling of belonging.
• They have trouble connecting with other humans without being able to hide behind a phone, and tend to end relationships without really connecting.
• They open themselves up to dangerous people and situations without even knowing it.
• They have been groomed to be justice-minded, but aren’t exposed to all sides of a situation and don’t know how to see a problem from multiple perspectives.
• They are SEARCHING FOR GOD, but the world keeps telling them that the ONE true God is not real, and believing in Him is stupid.

They Live Differently Than You Expected 

As parents, when we look at the world from our adult child’s perspective, we can’t help but be even more concerned about their well-being on a higher level. We parent the best way we know how, and then, it’s off to college, a job, and a life apart from their parents. You have no idea what choices they will make on their own, and they are delirious with their freedom, often not considering the consequences of those choices. Then it happens. Whether they’re in college or married and building their adult life with someone, you discover,

• They’re not going to church and said they don’t think they believe in God anymore.
• You see photos online that don’t show the values you thought you instilled in them.
• You’re not sure if “party” includes alcohol or drugs, but it sure looks like it.
• They don’t call as much as you wish they would.
• When they do call, they’re talking about social and political things you thought you covered in Don’t Fall For This 101.
• They may be wondering why you’re not making their student loan payments, their credit card payments, and their cell phone payments, like you used to.
• They’re in love with someone of a different faith, no faith at all, or looking for love in all the wrong places.
• They graduated from college, but don’t want to get a job. They’re fine living at home and are content with virtual relationships.
• They’re not parenting your grandkids the way you would.
• They’re not coming to you with their problems anymore.

That’s quite a list of sincere concerns. At some point, you probably lie awake at night, and your self-talk is demoralizing you and making everything worse. What is the answer to that self-talk? 

Responding With Grace and Wisdom

What did I do wrong? If there ever was a perfect parent, it was God. He did NOTHING wrong, and Adam and Eve still rebelled. They made their bed and we continue to lie in it. I’m not going to tell you that you did everything right, because you didn’t, but I will tell you that parents are not responsible for every choice their adult children make. If you did make choices that you can see affect your children negatively in their adult lives, talk to them about it. We are all sinful people living in a sinful world. That’s why we pray for our kids from conception to the day we die.

You’re lonely and miss them being around. Of course you do. They were your primary focus, and your lives were entangled for 20+ years. But they are not appendages. They are independent souls that God has given you to raise for His benefit, so you don’t get to keep them for your benefit. We raise them to have their own lives and their own relationship with God. He has a purpose for them independent of you, and it might not include you the way you wish it would. My mom used to say, “Kids join your life for a while, they do not become your life. When they’re ready, they go off to begin lives separate from you, and you continue yours.” The relationship isn’t gone, but it does change.

They don’t call me every day. They don’t need me. Congratulations! They’re living independent lives! If something goes wrong, you’ve either taught them to ask someone for help, or they will call you. They do still need you, just not as much as they did before or in the same way they did before. You’re the only parents they have. To become a friend rather than a parent is a huge demotion. Good or bad, there is no one more influential in someone’s life than their parent(s). They know where you are, and they have your phone number. Allow them the freedom to become the people God wants them to be, even if they have to go through some tough times to get there.

They’re not living the way I think they should. You lived your life the way you thought you should, and they need to live their lives the way they think they should. You took them to church, taught them the faith and values you thought were important, and God wrote His law in their hearts. Do you remember when you were their age? How much did you want your mom and dad to tell you how to live, or what to think, or believe? Adult children need to make their own choices and live with the consequences of them to gain wisdom, experience, and courage.

They’re making bad choices and not asking my advice. Yes, they are making bad choices, and they may be going to somebody else for help or advice. At some point, they need to be able to seek out the help they need, and it won’t be you. One reason is that your unsolicited advice sounds like criticism to them. Another reason is that there will also be some things that God knows they need to go through that you will want to rescue them from, and shouldn’t. They need you to love them through those times and to be there when they come to you.

They’re rejecting the faith. This is the toughest one. Nobody wants to be in heaven without their kids. The sad truth is that no matter how we raise them, we cannot have faith for them. We cannot give it or grow it, and we cannot talk them into it. We can listen, talk about it when they have questions, have faith, pray, and trust that the God who loves them even more than we do has not left them.

 

The Prodigal Son’s Father

We often look at the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) as a story about a child’s rebellion and wasteful lifestyle. We think that our kids can learn a lot from that young man’s experience. But what about the father? What can we, as parents, learn from the father?

There once was a man who had two sons whom he loved with all his heart. He raised them both in a lifestyle and with values that he believed would help them grow into wonderful, caring, God-fearing adults. Then, his youngest son wanted to leave. The father DID NOT beg his son to stay, expect his son to check in to appease his worry or loneliness, text his son every day, keep track of his son on social media to find out what he was doing, contact his son to find out what was going on so he could give him unwanted advice, or rescue his son from the consequences of his choices.

He DID give his son what he asked for – his inheritance and his freedom – and watched him take his belongings and walk away into the big, ugly world where bad things can happen. AND HE WAITED, AND PRAYED. Then, one day, the son returned, and it was obvious that nothing had gone the way he hoped it would. The father DID NOT ask his son what happened, but he DID run to his son with open arms, gave him a huge hug, and threw a party to celebrate his return.

The best parent your children have is God. Leave them in His loving and capable hands, and be there when they need you. Be okay with having a smaller role in their lives and build a new life for yourself that doesn’t orbit theirs. Don’t tie yourself to their happiness or feel bad because their happiness is not tied to you. Trust God with them as they become who HE wants them to be, and remember that the path they lead is not yours, but His.

Teaching the Faith Podcast Interviews

 I was asked if I could be interviewed by Family Shield Ministries to be on their podcast/radio show. Of course, I said, YES!!! Here is a link so that you can listen to the discussion between me and Pr. Mark Femmel. This was fun! 

Teaching the Faith to Preschoolers (Part 1 of 5) 

Teaching the Faith to Elementary Kids (Part 2 of 5) 

Teaching the Faith to Middle Schoolers (Part 3 of 5) 

Teaching the Faith to High Schoolers (Part 4 of 5) 

Teaching the Faith to Adults (Part 5 of 5) 

REFORMATION: Crocktoberfest & Martin Luther Games!

Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

A few years ago I was teaching the high school youth on Reformation Sunday and thought it might be interesting to see what they actually knew about it and about Martin Luther.  I was amazed at what they didn't know or how much they assumed incorrectly.  First, I read a carefully worded description of the state of society and the church and asked them if it sounded like today or in the 16th century.  Then, since Martin is quite funny sometimes and the language of the time can be a little difficult to understand, we had a little fun with some of his quotes.  I had them do a round robin, randomly pick one out of a bucket, and tell me what each one meant and/or what they thought of it.  As time got short they kept saying, "Do one more!"  While knowing the history and talking about things Martin Luther said are not necessary information, it sure doesn't hurt for people to be reminded of it once in a while in a fun way. 

Crocktoberfest

A Crocktoberfest is a potluck where people bring a crock pot meal to share in the tradition of the German festival of Oktoberfest, which would mean people should feel free to celebrate the German heritage gastronomically.  Traditional German food includes das wiener schnitzel (crumbled veal fillet), sauerbraten (beef) and red cabbage, bratwurst (sausages), schweinebraten (pork roast), käse-spätzle (pasta),  goulasch (hot dish), huhnerfrikassee (chicken frickasee), kartoffelknödeln (potato pumplings), apfelpfannkuchen (apple pancakes), apfelstrudel (apple strudel), or any kind of kuchen (cake).  Recipes are all over the internet.

The Martin Luther Games

I have a tendency to try to make things educational/informational and not just fun all the time so I would choose traditional German games for the kids and Reformation informational games for the adults.  I like things to be fun but am not a big fan of a "throw the indulgences in the trash relay" which is nothing different from any other relay the kids participate in at any other event but has a reformation sounding name.

Traditional German games for the kids:

• Topfschlagen (Hit the Pot) - a prize is hidden in a metal pot and a child is blindfolded and given a wooden spoon.  S/he then crawls around the floor trying to hit the pot to win the prize.
• Schokoladenessen (Chocolate Eating) - a chocolate bar, wrapped in many layers of newspaper and tied with a ribbon as if it's a present, is place in the middle of a table with a single die, scarf, hat, mittens, a fork, and a butter knife.  The kids roll the die and when a six is rolled that person puts on the clothes and tries to unwrap and eat the chocolate with the utensils.  While s/he is trying, the die continues to be rolled and if another child rolls a six they get to take over.  The game is over when all the chocolate is gone.
• Katz und Maus (Cat and Mouse) - is usually played outside or in a large room with larger groups.  The kids form a circle holding hands and the cat chases the mouse around, in, and out of the circle as the kids raise and lower their arms to let the mouse in and keep the cat out.
• Pin the 95 Theses - is just like pin the tail on the donkey except that kids are pinning the 95 theses on a door.  Sadly, not a German game but fun for the wee ones.

Reformation/information games for the adults:

• Scrambled Society - you can take the story of society and the church I used with the youth, break it into sections, give each group 2 paddles (paper plate with a stick handle - one says 1500's the other says today), read each section, and have them hold up the paddle of which description fits each time period. The trick is that the description is frighteningly similar to how we could describe society and the church today. Eeerily similar...
• Reformation Jeopardy - use this online Jeopardy template to create your own reformation game. It's not a powerpoint and is really easy to use. Play with it and see how it works. There may be other areas you'll want to use it too. There are tons of places online to get reformation questions or a pastor would be far better at creating them than I would so I won't even try here.
• Here I Stand! - Is he a heretic or not? Most people think Luther's big problem with the church was the sale of indulgences but we should know it was bigger than that. The goal of this activity is to have people learn a bit more about Luther, things he wrote or said against the church, and then decide if he was a heretic. If there are a lot of people, break them into groups. If you started by playing Scrambled Society, you're ready to go, if not, briefly share that information. Have a packet of evidence that includes a brief history of the Catholic church in the 1500's and what they believed at the time. Give people a few minutes to go through it. When they're ready, the "host" (probably the pastor) reads a quote from Luther or something he's written, including the 95 theses and the group must decide if his comment is heretical, Biblical, or neither. (Make sure a few quotes cover each.)
• Movies - there a lot of good movies about Luther out now. Check them out!

YOUTH: Dear New College Student

 Dear College Student, 

When you get to college, you’ll discover that it's nothing like it’s portrayed on TV or in the movies. Remind yourself that those who write TV shows and movies always exaggerate. Always. And they usually portray what they think you want to see, not what is real. College can be a great experience! You can get a good education, make some life-long friends, get some great independent experience, learn the value of money, and have a lot of fun. No matter where you go or what you study, you will also face some challenges and make some bad choices. You may also end up facing or realizing some things about yourself and life that you didn’t expect. 

Challenges? "What do you mean? I'm finally free to make my own choices!" Yes, you are, but yes, challenges. When you’re away from home and most or all of your close friends, who can you reach out to when something has gone wrong? What if you feel alone, lonely, scared, or frustrated because things aren't going the way you thought they would? What if college is harder than you thought it would be? At the top of your list should always be your Heavenly Father, who is always waiting to hear from you.  

College and adult life will probably be more challenging than you thought before you got there. Here are my life tips:

1.          Everyone is amazing, and everyone isn’t. Throughout your senior year, people may have been telling you that you’re super amazing and are going to change the world. When you get to college, you may not feel as amazing as everyone said you would be, and it may give you anxiety. Relax. There’s only one person who truly changed the world, and that was Jesus. You're just a regular human like the rest of us. Even if you're not Him, He is and will always be there for you to turn to when you need Him, which should be every day.

2.          Life is longer than you think. You don’t have to do everything by the time you’re 30, and you have plenty of time to change your mind. Sex is not a recreational activity, and alcohol/drugs shouldn’t be. It only messes you up. You don’t have to have sex with everyone just because you have an urge, and you certainly don’t need to mess with your brain. It’s not even fully developed yet. Protect it. Look for the path that God shows you. Talk to Him. God’s Top Ten (10 Commandments) aren’t just laws; they were given to protect us from making stupid choices. Ask for guidance and step out in faith.  

3.          You may feel that people are judging you and expecting things you’re not sure you can do. Nobody is really judging you, but you. Your professors judge the quality of your work, not you. Other students in your classes are busy focusing on themselves. You’d be surprised how often people aren’t thinking about you. They’ve got their own problems, and if they’re mean, it’s not because of you, it’s because of them. It’s all in your head. Let it go. Ask Jesus to help you stop focusing on yourself so much.

4.          Nobody has a perfect life. Again, and a little slower so you can hear this, nobody has a perfect life. The most dangerous thing you can do is to compare your life, or your life choices, to the lives of others, or listen to them if they talk down to you because you’re not doing what they’re doing. Plenty of foolish people have partied and failed their way out of college, wasting time and a lot of money. God created us with different gifts and skills to be used for His glory. It’s about you living the life God wants you to live, not comparing your life to others. Comparison messes with your head. Don’t go there.

5.          Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is new, today you live. Don’t worry about yesterday, unless you have to fix something you did wrong. Deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. Do your best to make wise choices today. Even if things don’t go the way you hope they will, and sometimes they won’t, you will wake up again tomorrow and face the day’s challenges one step at a time. If you take a misstep or something pushes you onto a new path, look for the adventure. Just make the turn and keep going. Life is a journey, and God is with you. Trust Him and enjoy it!

6.          More people than you think love you. God put them in your life for a reason. Your parents think you’re amazing because they’re your parents. They’re not expecting that you will handle every problem on your own perfectly. Somehow, during my last year of college, my bank account was overdrawn due to a late deposit, and fees started piling up, and I freaked out. The banker was not helping, so I called my dad. If you don’t have a dad, call your mom; if you don’t have a mom, call your grandparents, call an Aunt or Uncle. Call me! More people love you and will help you than you think. Let them. If you become overwhelmed, pray and then choose the right person to call. Choose the one who will give you love over the phone and tell you to relax, and give you sound advice. Pray. Believe me, it’s not the end of the world. No matter what you do, the world keeps going. God always loves you, and He gave you people to help you.

7.          Most importantly, only God knows the big picture of your life. In the big picture, you may have multiple jobs or multiple careers. What you study in college is not what you have to do for the next 50 years. Our lives are puzzles, and God is putting it together. Being in college is not a life-or-death situation. Ask Him what the two of you are going to do with each day. He’s got the big stuff… always has… always will. You’ve got the little stuff. Go to class. Do your homework. Make wise choices.

Never, ever forget that you are not alone in this world. One of the reasons God gave us His word is to remind us that He is here… always… to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). He also left His Spirit here to help us (John 14:16). When you need encouragement, use your resources. 

LENT: What are you giving up for Lent?

What are you giving up for Lent? We may hear this question often just before Ash Wednesday. Many church denominations encourage giving something up for Lent. The The Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod puts it this way:  

"Lent is just around the corner. Are you planning on giving up something for Lent, as some denominations require? From the perspective of the LCMS, "giving something up for Lent" is entirely a matter of Christian freedom. It would be wrong, from our perspective, for the church to make some sort of "law" requiring its members to "give something up for Lent," since the Scriptures themselves do not require this. If, on the other hand, a Christian wants to give something up for Lent as a way of remembering and personalizing the great sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for our sins, then that Christian is certainly free to do so--as long as he or she does not "judge" or "look down on" other Christians who do not choose to do this."

I've been reading more and more about people suggesting there's no way that giving up chocolate or beer can ever compare to the sacrifice of Christ and suggesting that the time might be better spent starting a new devotion and prayer habit. Perhaps people can get together and read the same devotional for the 40 days of Lent.  Have them commit to setting aside time everyday for the 40 days to read and get together each week on a video chat or group phone chat to talk and pray.  The group can either keep a list of people or things they want to pray as they read, or they can take the time to write their own prayer to speak to God from their heart everyday. At the end of the 40 days check in with each other and see how this has or hasn't affected your lives or if their outlooks have changed in some way. This may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship with prayer time!

You may also find Lenten devotions online for free or written by somebody in your larger church body, or sometimes there are people out there who are gifted at really making you think more deeply about your faith.  I can recommend Show Me the Way by Henri Nouwen.  Another one that has shorter entries but plenty to contemplate is Followers of the Cross by Martin Marty.  Or maybe you have one to suggest to me?  I would love it if you would share it!

If giving something up truly brings you closer to God then by all means, do that. But if not, try something that will!