CONFIRMATION: The Art of Teaching Reel #4 Sermon Notes

Does anyone appreciate sermon notes? 

Some pastors use them to track worship attendance; some kids don't even think about what they write; and some parents just see them as busywork. What can we do to fix that? Find out here. 

CONFIRMATION: The Art of Teaching Reel #3 Accountabiity

 What's the big deal with accountability? I do that!

Do you? What does it look like? 

As teachers of the faith, we teach kids the most important information they will learn in their lifetime. How do you make sure they're learning it? Find out here. 

CONFIRMATION: The Art of Teaching Reel #2 Memory

Why memory work? 

As teachers of the faith, we want our students to commit scripture to memory. I know why I think it's important, but you need to know why you think it's important and be able to share that with parents and students. Here's why.

     

 Now that you know why you want confirmation students to memorize scripture, it helps to know how to get that done successfully. As we all know, most kids lose it by the time they get confirmed. How do we keep that from happening? Here's how.

 

CONFIRMATION: The Art of Teaching Reel #1 Purpose

The Art of Teaching the Faith, Reels with Laura #1

Sometimes we think that it doesn't matter how we teach confirmation. We survived it, and our kids will survive it, too. But is that what we really want in a society that is less and less interested in Christianity and more and more interested in convincing people that it makes no sense in the world today, people are much less civil, kids are encouraged to disrespect anyone older than them, and there really is no authority? No. We want our kids to have faith and follow the Lord so they can live in God's grace. That's why the way we teach the faith, especially in confirmation, matters. 

With the desire to help anyone who teaches confirmation love it, and teach it more effectively to middle schoolers, I'm creating some reels based on my book, The Art of Teaching Confirmation. Every year we think teaching well is unimportant, we fail. You can find the videos on my website, teachthefaith.org/confirmation, on YouTube, and I'll be posting them here. They're short, practical, and, as is my goal in teaching, will get you to think.   Here's the first one: Purpose & Goal

PARENTS: Dad - Please Help With My Child's Behavior in Church

Please Help With My Child's Behavior in Church

Can you relate to any of this? 

(From a dad who attends a Catholic church.) 

1. We arrive after the processional… because we are somehow unable to get the kids in the car and ready to go in the amount of time that we think we can.
2. We sit down, and my kids are well-behaved for all of 3 seconds.
3. The oldest one then begins to loudly talk about how he doesn’t want to be there
4. He then begins to bang on the pew
5. I try to have him sit on my lap, but he wriggles free and tries to climb under the pew
6. I drag him back and sternly tell him to sit still. He sits for a few moments, and the Gloria starts.
7. My son then begins to sing the Alleluia as loud as he can while we are singing the Gloria
8. Dirty looks occur from the people in front of us
9. As the first reading starts, my other son poops out of his diaper, and I have to run out to grab the diapers we forgot in the car.
10. I take the younger boy out to get his diaper changed
11. When I come back, the homily is starting, and my oldest boy is starting to go stir-crazy
12. I have to take him to the back in order to keep him from disturbing everyone as he begins to cry and whine about how he wants to go.
13. I miss the whole homily, but I have a nice chat with my son about what the readings were.
14. We come back in as the Creed begins… I hold him in my arms, but he won’t stop wiggling… I probably pay attention to 2-3 words that are said.
15. During the prayers of the people, I try to rephrase the petitions so that he understands them…. wiggling continues
16. During the Anaphora, the best I can do is stand in the back, praying to God that he won’t start yelling during the institution narrative this time… my prayers are not answered. More dirty looks ensue.
17. We say the Lord’s Prayer… and my son knows this one, but chooses to change the words to try to be silly. I try to tell him the Lord’s Prayer isn’t a time to be silly. He looks at me like I’m crazy.
18. We pass the peace…. he loves this part and yells “family hug!” as my wife comes over.
19. We sing the Angus Dei… he only knows one melody for this one, so he sings that melody, in spite of the fact that everyone else is singing a different arrangement. Dirty looks part three.
20. I tell him that it’s time for the special meal, and we go up together. He is mad that he doesn’t get anything and whines about it as the Priest blesses him. We head back to our seat.
21. From this point on, he continually asks me if mass is over until the announcements are done and the recessional hymn is sung.

[Retrieved from https://www.patheos.com/blogs/billykangas/2014/07/help-my-kids-are-wild-at-church.html] 

Many people have told me not to write about this because "We want kids in church no matter how they behave." But is that what's best for the child? As parents, are we to allow our kids to behave badly in church when we wouldn't allow it at a restaurant, museum, movie theater, or concert? Should we allow kids to be so disrespectful, rude, and noisy that the people around them cannot worship? Or should we be helpful to any parents who want help, like the woman above? I say, as people are called into ministry, we help.

First, Some (Hopefully Helpful) Information

Discipline is teaching or training kids to behave so that they learn to self-discipline. The goal is to help them develop internal self-control, character, and empathy so they don’t need external rewards. Discipline provides structure, safety, and guidance to help children learn to manage their emotions and to behave in certain ways despite how they feel. ALL children NEED discipline. It provides them with a sense of security, structure, and boundaries that they cannot provide themselves. Sometimes parents think their kids would be happier if they had more freedom, but that is not the case.

A lack of guided discipline can lead to children failing to learn self-regulation and essential life skills. If you see your child having poor behavioral control, difficulty respecting authority, and aggression when told "NO," you might want to ask yourself whether your current discipline plan could be contributing to the problem.

There are a few things that help with child discipline in church: consistency, consequences, and routines.

• Consistency. One of the simplest ways to improve a young child’s behavior is to be consistent about expectations. For children, especially those ages 3 to 6, consistency shows the power of kids knowing what to expect. When they don’t have it, they feel insecure, which leads them to continually test what they can and cannot get away with, potentially causing power struggles. There’s never a reason an adult should get into a power struggle with a child. Young children are learning cause and effect, and the adult teaches them by how they respond. If I do this… this happens. If a parent is tired and I push these buttons… this happens. The easiest way to deal with this is to give your child some choices before things escalate. Give two reasonable choices. You can have either of these for your church snack. Which do you choose? “I want candy!” You can have this or this. Pick one now, or you get nothing. 
• Consequences are very important. Kids need to learn that every action has a consequence, some good and some not so good. Some consequences work better than others for young kids. For example, a time-out can help them calm down. Without that time to wind down, they often resort to aggression, often toward parents or siblings. When this happens in church, it’s a good time to take them out of the sanctuary for a time-out. They’ll calm down; you can nicely remind them of the church rules and ask if they’re ready to go back in. Leaving the sanctuary is a time to help them calm down, not a trip to a playground or a playroom. The goal is to help them manage their own behavior. 
• Routines help with consistency because children learn what to expect. Bedtime goes much better if there’s a routine: pajamas, teeth, story, prayer, lights off. Chaotic environments (things constantly changing) often lead to behavior problems. Being consistent and developing routines when parenting can take time and energy, but the results later on are definitely worth the effort up front. What is your pre-church routine? Is it chaotic and rushing, which can trigger a burst of adrenaline in children, or calm and consistent?

So, What About Church?

Church is a unique environment. It’s similar to going to a nice restaurant, a concert, a movie, or a museum, where certain behaviors are expected: speaking quietly, managing emotions, respecting those around you, and following certain rules. These are not things that need to be skipped because of behavior. Kids just need to be taught the rules and what they look like, and to practice at home. 

What are the rules? The rules in church are about simple activities regarding respecting the worship service, the church building and its furniture, and the people.

Church Rules

• Using our quiet voice.
• Walking feet in the church sanctuary (the room where the altar is).
• Keeping shoes on the floor, not on the furniture. It’s never a problem until somebody has muddy shoes.
• Sitting, not climbing on the pews. Furniture is not a playground.
• Cleaning up your things before you leave.

When you consistently talk about these things when children are younger, the sooner they will think them for themselves or just make a habit of doing them.

If you want your child to be quiet through a worship service, you have to teach them to be quiet (not to be silent), but to play quietly, and that takes time.

• Offer choices – we can stay here, or I can take you out.
• Natural consequences – removing a child from worship for being disruptive only needs to be applied a few times before they begin to expect it.
• Treats before church don’t encourage good behavior during church. They should be given only occasionally after church.
• Treats should not be used as a bribe to stop misbehavior in the moment. Giving a child a piece of candy to sit down will only last until they get it and eat it.
• Only bring quiet toys, and while screens are babysitters, they don’t help a child learn self-control or manage their emotions. Some toys do not belong in church.
• Step out – remove the child from the service to sit outside until he can behave. This is not a fun field trip or an opportunity to play outside, which will teach them that if they’re bad enough, they get a reward. Time-out will not work at church if you don’t use it at home.

What You Can Do at Home

Practice Church Behaviors with Games – If a child wins the game, they can earn a prize, but the only way to win is to do it for a reasonable amount of time. Start with 3 minutes for 3-year-olds, and add 1 minute for each additional year.

• Simulate Church – Show me what a good boy looks like at church
• The Sofa is the Pew – Find something to do and see if they can be quiet doing it for 5 minutes (5 minutes can seem like a long time for them).
• The Quiet Game – The goal is for children to stay silent and still for as long as possible. You’ll be lucky to get them to go a whole minute at first. Try asking what sounds they can hear.
• The Quiet Game 2 – Instead of just silence, challenge them to be quiet with the TV on.
• Whisper Game – Pass a word around by whispering. Young children are challenged to talk quietly.
• Rub My Back (Write Letters on My Back) – You can also rub an arm or massage a hand, both of which are very relaxing.

Some say that children raised by one disciplining parent and one lenient parent are often confused, anxious, and have behavioral issues due to inconsistent rules and boundary setting. This is not really a problem. Eventually, they will figure out which parent they can manipulate and which one they can’t. If you are the lenient parent, they will learn to manipulate you. It’s important for church attendance that parents who live together share the same expectations for kids five and under's behavior in church. If parents don’t live together, kids can learn what to expect at each parent’s home and will behave accordingly. 

I sincerely hope this information helps those of you who have been looking for tips on teaching and encouraging your young children about behavior during worship. 

THANKSGIVING: Blessings in Disguise - What's Yours?

As Christians, we are thankful for the blessings God gives us throughout the year and our lives; however, we take special time to reflect on these blessings on Thanksgiving Day. Many families will go around the table telling each other what they’re most thankful for: family and friends, having a job or getting a new job, their health, their home, and many of the luxuries that make our lives easier or more fun. Hopefully, Christians include Jesus, our Savior, who gave us the greatest gift: salvation. These are things that are easy to be thankful for, especially if we’ve known life without them, but what are we missing? Can we look more deeply and consider things we often disregard as something to be thankful for?

The things we often forget are the things about ourselves and others that may not seem worth giving thanks for, because we cannot see how God might use them or how God can use even them to bless us. These things are less obvious but worth considering because God uses good and bad things in our lives to bless us!

Sometimes, losing a job, getting a disease, having a home burn down, losing a friend or family member, relationship problems, problems with mean kids at school, or any number of other things we wish didn’t happen, can be used by God to bless us. Thanksgiving is a great time to pause, reflect, and be thankful for things we might not have considered blessings in the moment. For example, when I found out I was diabetic, I was devastated, but not too long after that bad day, I look back and see that God turned it into a blessing. I feel better and am healthier than I would ever have been.

Things can always be looked at from different perspectives. Things that seem good to us may not be so good from God’s perspective, and things that seem bad to us may be used by God to help us grow closer to Him, which is always good.

Think for a moment about all the people God used in the Bible. No human is perfect, even if they’re in the Bible, but God chooses people for reasons beyond the worldly values we see and are proud of. He looks deeper. When Samuel was looking for a king to replace Saul, as he looked at David’s good-looking and strong older brother Eliab, God said to him, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 6:7).

We often look at things from a worldly, materialistic point of view. We compare our lives to what we see around us, and that’s what we’re thankful for or wish we could change. However, God’s point of view is not about this world, but the next. It’s not about what we have, can earn, or do, but about what our heart and faith show. We are all as human as everyone in the Bible. We get up every day, put on our clothes, and, good or bad, do what we do. If you read about the people below in the Bible, you can see their mistakes — some seemingly more serious than others — but if you take a moment to look at it from a Thanksgiving point of view, you can see that we can learn from them as well.

This Thanksgiving, try to look at them, and then at the people in your life that may be hard to love sometimes, and then at yourself. What is negative in your life that you can learn from and God can use to teach you and bring you closer to Him?

This Thanksgiving, consider that in spite of the negative things in the people below, God used

• Abraham to remind us to hear God, listen, have faith, and follow Him, even when the path is unclear.
• Sarah to show us that faith grows slowly sometimes, and God doesn’t give up on us if we doubt.
• Jacob to show us that God meets us in our weakness, not in our perfection.
• Rebekah to remind us that we need to wait for God’s time and be content with His will.
• Joseph to teach us that even when life feels unfair and confusing, God is working for us in ways we can’t see, and is also working through us for the good of others.
• Moses to teach us that God equips those whom He calls through their doubts, fears, and failures; God can use a willing heart.
• Joshua to show us that success comes from courage, obedience, and trusting God’s promises, especially when the battle seems unwinnable.
• Ruth to teach us that faith is not just about belief, but about choosing love, integrity, and courage.
• Hannah to show us that we can trust God with both our grief and our gifts.
• Samuel to teach us that spiritual maturity begins with listening to God, who speaks to us through His Word.
• Saul to show us how arrogance, ambition, and pride can lead to partial disobedience, which is still disobedience.
• David, even as a man after God’s own heart, to teach us that even if we make very bad choices, God never leaves us because of behavior, and with true repentance, we can be restored.
• Jonathan to give us an example of true friendship.
• Solomon to warn us how easy it is to take and use God’s gifts to His glory, but through the danger of compromise, can still fall away.
• Nehemiah to teach us that when we have obstacles to overcome, we should start with prayer, stay focused, don’t listen to hecklers, and listen to God.
• Daniel to remind us that moral courage can thrive in hostile environments, and spiritual integrity can influence culture; it is possible to live boldly as Christians without losing our identity.
• Jonah to show us that we can disagree with God’s plan, but it’s not wise to ignore it or try to outrun His calling. Disobedience has consequences. Bitterness blocks joy. God is interested in your heart and your motivations.
• All of the believers through the ages who have passed down the faith through God’s Word and Sacraments, by living it, talking about it, and showing it, we can do that as well.

These are only a handful of the regular sinners in the Bible who have given us blessings in disguise. Our lives are filled with blessings that we don’t recognize: blessings in disguise. We may not recognize the wonderful blessings we receive from those in the Bible, or the blessings in disguise. We need to look for them because they’re usually things we think are negative and don’t see how God used them to bless us.

This year, when you’re going around the Thanksgiving table, instead of everyone telling each other that they’re thankful for family, friends, their job, a new car, etc. Ask them, “What has happened in your life this past year that turned out to be a blessing in disguise?” Give everyone a couple of minutes to find their blessing in disguise to share. Then try to hang on to those all year and keep looking for them. Thanksgiving is about being thankful for God’s unexpected blessings and blessings in disguise all year long. Keep looking. You’ll be surprised at how many you find.

ADULTS: Parenting When They've Grown

I've been writing articles for Family Shield Ministries and want to share them here. The first one I'm sharing is the most recent, October 2025.

 

A Portrait of Today's Young Adults

Many things affect the description of a generation. That information helps parents see things from their child’s perspective, not only their own. Through technology, the changes in society and the world have happened much more quickly for recent generations than they did for us. Thanks to smartphones, social media, and a constant connection with everything good or evil on the internet, they have been exposed to or experienced things we never would have at a much younger age. A portrait of today’s young adults includes the following:

• They may be technologically fluent, but are emotionally searching.
• Their world is a place of constant fear-mongering where news is manipulated, and their source of information is rarely true. The sky is ALWAYS falling.
• They carry the weight of every global crisis without the emotional maturity to understand it or the experience to put it in its place.
• They are hyper-connected, but often lonely, craving real connections because emojis and likes or notifications do not help create a feeling of belonging.
• They have trouble connecting with other humans without being able to hide behind a phone, and tend to end relationships without really connecting.
• They open themselves up to dangerous people and situations without even knowing it.
• They have been groomed to be justice-minded, but aren’t exposed to all sides of a situation and don’t know how to see a problem from multiple perspectives.
• They are SEARCHING FOR GOD, but the world keeps telling them that the ONE true God is not real, and believing in Him is stupid.

They Live Differently Than You Expected 

As parents, when we look at the world from our adult child’s perspective, we can’t help but be even more concerned about their well-being on a higher level. We parent the best way we know how, and then, it’s off to college, a job, and a life apart from their parents. You have no idea what choices they will make on their own, and they are delirious with their freedom, often not considering the consequences of those choices. Then it happens. Whether they’re in college or married and building their adult life with someone, you discover,

• They’re not going to church and said they don’t think they believe in God anymore.
• You see photos online that don’t show the values you thought you instilled in them.
• You’re not sure if “party” includes alcohol or drugs, but it sure looks like it.
• They don’t call as much as you wish they would.
• When they do call, they’re talking about social and political things you thought you covered in Don’t Fall For This 101.
• They may be wondering why you’re not making their student loan payments, their credit card payments, and their cell phone payments, like you used to.
• They’re in love with someone of a different faith, no faith at all, or looking for love in all the wrong places.
• They graduated from college, but don’t want to get a job. They’re fine living at home and are content with virtual relationships.
• They’re not parenting your grandkids the way you would.
• They’re not coming to you with their problems anymore.

That’s quite a list of sincere concerns. At some point, you probably lie awake at night, and your self-talk is demoralizing you and making everything worse. What is the answer to that self-talk? 

Responding With Grace and Wisdom

What did I do wrong? If there ever was a perfect parent, it was God. He did NOTHING wrong, and Adam and Eve still rebelled. They made their bed and we continue to lie in it. I’m not going to tell you that you did everything right, because you didn’t, but I will tell you that parents are not responsible for every choice their adult children make. If you did make choices that you can see affect your children negatively in their adult lives, talk to them about it. We are all sinful people living in a sinful world. That’s why we pray for our kids from conception to the day we die.

You’re lonely and miss them being around. Of course you do. They were your primary focus, and your lives were entangled for 20+ years. But they are not appendages. They are independent souls that God has given you to raise for His benefit, so you don’t get to keep them for your benefit. We raise them to have their own lives and their own relationship with God. He has a purpose for them independent of you, and it might not include you the way you wish it would. My mom used to say, “Kids join your life for a while, they do not become your life. When they’re ready, they go off to begin lives separate from you, and you continue yours.” The relationship isn’t gone, but it does change.

They don’t call me every day. They don’t need me. Congratulations! They’re living independent lives! If something goes wrong, you’ve either taught them to ask someone for help, or they will call you. They do still need you, just not as much as they did before or in the same way they did before. You’re the only parents they have. To become a friend rather than a parent is a huge demotion. Good or bad, there is no one more influential in someone’s life than their parent(s). They know where you are, and they have your phone number. Allow them the freedom to become the people God wants them to be, even if they have to go through some tough times to get there.

They’re not living the way I think they should. You lived your life the way you thought you should, and they need to live their lives the way they think they should. You took them to church, taught them the faith and values you thought were important, and God wrote His law in their hearts. Do you remember when you were their age? How much did you want your mom and dad to tell you how to live, or what to think, or believe? Adult children need to make their own choices and live with the consequences of them to gain wisdom, experience, and courage.

They’re making bad choices and not asking my advice. Yes, they are making bad choices, and they may be going to somebody else for help or advice. At some point, they need to be able to seek out the help they need, and it won’t be you. One reason is that your unsolicited advice sounds like criticism to them. Another reason is that there will also be some things that God knows they need to go through that you will want to rescue them from, and shouldn’t. They need you to love them through those times and to be there when they come to you.

They’re rejecting the faith. This is the toughest one. Nobody wants to be in heaven without their kids. The sad truth is that no matter how we raise them, we cannot have faith for them. We cannot give it or grow it, and we cannot talk them into it. We can listen, talk about it when they have questions, have faith, pray, and trust that the God who loves them even more than we do has not left them.

 

The Prodigal Son’s Father

We often look at the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) as a story about a child’s rebellion and wasteful lifestyle. We think that our kids can learn a lot from that young man’s experience. But what about the father? What can we, as parents, learn from the father?

There once was a man who had two sons whom he loved with all his heart. He raised them both in a lifestyle and with values that he believed would help them grow into wonderful, caring, God-fearing adults. Then, his youngest son wanted to leave. The father DID NOT beg his son to stay, expect his son to check in to appease his worry or loneliness, text his son every day, keep track of his son on social media to find out what he was doing, contact his son to find out what was going on so he could give him unwanted advice, or rescue his son from the consequences of his choices.

He DID give his son what he asked for – his inheritance and his freedom – and watched him take his belongings and walk away into the big, ugly world where bad things can happen. AND HE WAITED, AND PRAYED. Then, one day, the son returned, and it was obvious that nothing had gone the way he hoped it would. The father DID NOT ask his son what happened, but he DID run to his son with open arms, gave him a huge hug, and threw a party to celebrate his return.

The best parent your children have is God. Leave them in His loving and capable hands, and be there when they need you. Be okay with having a smaller role in their lives and build a new life for yourself that doesn’t orbit theirs. Don’t tie yourself to their happiness or feel bad because their happiness is not tied to you. Trust God with them as they become who HE wants them to be, and remember that the path they lead is not yours, but His.